tired

Tired, tried to sleep but couldn’t, closed my eyes but my brain wouldn’t

Stop, returning, turning, spurting, spurning my desire to be free.

It cajoled me, decided to hold me, in it’s crazed ferocity.

It took me back through years, tears, fears and opportunities. Reminded me of lost loves, bad boys, and gorgeous girls until my mind was full of whole communities; babies, toddlers, teens, young adults, Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, witnesses and a vast array of smaller cults.

Battered me with images of bodies writhing, riding, biting, fighting, none of them were law-abiding, all were moving, pushing, pulling, slipping, sliding. Kisses, strokes, nibbles, sucks; glimpses of a thousand fucks.

Tired, tried to sleep but couldn’t, closed my eyes but my brain wouldn’t…slow the pace. It showed me each and every face I’d ever kissed, each and every one I missed, didn’t do it like a list, didn’t have any rules; a brother then several fools, a mother then two friends on stools, then another, then one that drools, then one other draped in jewels. I tried to make connections, tried to put them into sections but I couldn’t make corrections, they were right but no, that’s wrong, those are good, those are strong, they definitely do belong, but those two can’t go together, can‘t be in each others life; that’s HER husband and that’s HIS wife, that’s a cousin, that’s a nephew okay, that’s a niece but where is the connecting piece? There’s my father without warning, I’m going to be so tired in the morning….