“Order the Guinness FIRST!”
“Ask people what they want BEFORE you start ordering a round.”
“I am merely operating a machine, IF I could make it faster, I would.”
“Learn to articulate simple requests such as ‘two bottle of Becks, please?”
“No problem!” ‘One pint of lager for the cunt who can’t say please and a vodka lemonade for the fuckwit who puts up with him, and breathe…and…’ “Smile…Anything else?”
“Some pubs sell different beers. Did you notice you were in a DIFFERENT PUB?”
“Yes pointing, that’s polite, just point…”
“I have no idea what you might possibly, want. If I could tell what people wanted by looking at them I would not be working in a fucking bar!”
“Our wines? Like? Kind of like wine, only more so, we, here, like to think both privately, and on this one occasion, publicly that our wines are very much LIKE wines, they come to us in wine bottles, we serve them in a wine glass to all sense and purposes they are no dissimilar to wine!”
“My favourite people are those that order than walk away, to the loo.”
“I like people waving money at me.”
“I enjoy people who tap or whistle.”
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