Thursday, 27 October 2011

Control on drugs


Out of it, in a spin
No care for my soul nor for my health
None for you, or for myself
Letting go but not letting you in.
Don't bother me with barriers!
Feeling the rush, accepting the haze
Opposite to what you think and allowing my soul
to take over to be the control
guiding me through this beautiful maze
Don't talk to me about carriers!
Blocking out all negative thoughts
Accepting only positive vibes
I won't begin to analyse
or see any of the obvious faults
Don't expect any virginity!
I'm too far gone to understand
what it might be that makes me smile
maybe I feel just like a child
happy for the touch of your hand
Allow me to enjoy this infinity?

Comfort

I wrote this awhile ago but it seems quite apt right now


"All I need is a roof over my head and food and I am happy.   
You know, somewhere to wash of course and a toilet 'cos I don't like communal ones or communal baths, other peoples' pubes in your soap, that sort of malarkey, as far as I am concerned if you have to put paper down every time you want to go to the toilet that doesn't make you feel confident.   
Yeah, just a room with a private WC and somewhere to cook.  You know a little kitchenette will do.  Just room for an oven, a fridge, a little table or even a breakfast bar 'll do. 
I'll sit on a stool, I’m not proud.   
As long as I’ve got a roof over my head and food and water and somewhere to wash and a private wc,  with somewhere to cook and eat, 'cos you don’t want your clothes smelling of bacon and eggs!
Somewhere to sit and read or whatever, you know I don't need luxuries like the TV.   
Although it would be NICE to sit down and watch the news or stuff that was important, and there has been some well received films but I’m not much of a cinema goer so it wouldn't matter if they were old before I got to watch them or if the TV. itself wasn't remote, 
I wouldn't mind 'cos I wouldn't watch it much.   
Just read and maybe listen to the radio.   
Oh.  I'm not saying I need a radio but I need some sort of warning system if there was a war or a nuclear attack or a flood or a railway crash or another national disaster.   
Apparently you might as well get one with a c.d. player as not these days. I could just have a few classical discs, maybe some old jazz, there is some house stuff I enjoy, early Stones I quite like, late Beatles, some Reggae, you know, Studio One stuff, coupla dub plates, ska, the usual suspects,  you know? 
No, I don't need much, just a roof over my head, somewhere to wash, a private wc, a place to cook and eat, somewhere to sit and read or listen to music or watch t.v. with a view or even just leaves on a tree would be fine, or overlooking a park, that'd be nice, as long as I could see the stars at night.

jazzz collaboration

Heavy rain fall, dark grey clouds.  Speed rain, puddles filling up drains.  Night, lamp lights, vacant street, people rushing, umbrellas, raincoats.
Footsteps-shadows-silhouettes.  Lower halves of people visible.  Heavy clattering quick steps, squelching slow inside my head, echoing frightening following.
Squealing tyres.  Car slamming on brakes, skidding, sliding to a halt. Shouting loud music, locked arms, shock, bright lights of a tyre garage.  Burning smell?
Church bell scary movie!  Church tower in the day, cemetery at night, brightly lit paths.  Dark stone history surrounded by railings quiet apart from that sound.  Welcome/unwelcome.  Kestrels flying over flower gardens.

childish bully

People cower, people fear
Whenever I am near
When i'm in goal no one scores
'cos i frighten them with my "roars"
In the line, I go where I please
I threaten people with my knees
I kick as well, oh I can kick
I punch as well, yeah I punch quick
I'll punch if you are in my way
I'll punch if you go, punch if you stay
If i don't get the comprehension
you know that there'll be tension
I do not like to make mistakes
I do not like to wait
Numbers muddle up my brain
I do not like wet play or rain
I don't like to do what i ought
I do not like it when i am caught
I will deny the facts
I do not, will not do maths
If I were to speak truthfully
I am sometimes, quite a bully
I don't mean to hurt people’s feelings
And I let go if they start squealing
Topics are rubbish, science is boring
Assemblies!  Please stop me from snoring
No I won't do as i'm told
I don't need a jumper it isn't that cold
I'm GOING  to my quiet zone
Why don't you just leave me alone!

ANIMALISTIC AUTUMN

And you stop thinking like a human, or rather you stop thinking and the power takes over.   
That's when you're lost and you can see other worlds, parallel worlds, visions, dreams of passion. There is no touch of skin against skin, no flashes or images of lovers, no sounds but the rush of your ecstacy.  You are dead and shaking with life, you do not exist, but you are full of power and the moment unfortunately passes and you are full of shit.   
Or the power was real and not false and the beauty stays with you, gnawing at your veins pumping this goodness round your body, warmth rises from within, making you supple and energetic, the smell rising to your nostrils, like a nostalgic aphrodisiac and forcing you to look at where you were, where the divine smell came from, the sight of where such beauty could be found and instinct continues.  To sleep encased in the softness of love desiring nothing, needing neither to drink nor eat, no movement will make you more comfortable than where you are, in a parallel world where no changes are needed, no work to toil over, no problems to solve, to sleep here would be wonderful.

Thursday, 20 October 2011

ACCOUNTANCY


Accountancy

I've saved lives, it's true.  I have carried the drugs that slow the heart, which beats so close to where I rest at the end of my chain.  For a long time I belonged to a fat clean man who had his rituals, like most humans do.
I was born in his hand when he first put the blue pills in and attached me to his long gold chain that reached down to his plump belly.
I started my day fifteen minutes after the bell rang from the clock next to the bed.  I don't know what happened in the room he went in for that time but he brought a fresh smell back with him, then he would come and get me, open me, put in a pill with his right thumb, and snap me shut.
Then he would hang the chain around his neck and there I would stay, under a vest, and a shirt, then he would go down to eat and I could hear each mouthful slowly making it's way down, pushed along by big gulps of tea.  Then he would put on his waistcoat, blazer and in winter an overcoat.
His heart began to beat faster as soon as he left the house, sweat trickled and rerouted itself around me, by the time we were on the bus his rhythm would be out and if the traffic stopped he would check his watch then me.  If we were still for more than five minutes his heart beat frantically and the little, checking tap, would increase.
I was almost never still in the mornings; he never strolled, always rushed, almost running, but not quite.
Occasionally when his breath was too short we would stop and he would hold me tightly through his clothes and I think I calmed him.
Then we would reach his office and most times his heart rate would slow to normal.
Except in spring.
Every spring his time in the office would lengthen, his heart rate quicken, he would sweat profusely, mumble grotesque profanities and touch me so much more.

Fairy fuck up

the sparkle from the dew in sunlight,
the mist that diffuses moonlight,
the reason why the feather tickles
is why I get in these pickles.
 Pandemonia

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

BECAUSE OF YOU

Because Of You

Because of you I wasn’t afraid
          Because of you I could dance           
Because of you I never strayed
Because of you I took a chance
Because of you I felt complete
Because of you I smiled more
Because of you my life was sweet
Because of you I learned to draw

Then you left and I let things slide, fear took over and I began to hide. The music played but I couldn’t connect my feet and head, strangers woke up in my bed. I took no risks, I felt so scared. To take a chance I never dared. I thought that there was something missing. My resting face was grimacing. Life became an arduous chore. I couldn’t even be bothered to draw.

Because of you I’m all alone
Because of you my life is shit
Because of you all I do is moan
Because of you I want to quit
Because of you I don’t go out
Because of you I cry at home
Because of you I want to shout
Because of you I wrote this poem

YEAH, YEAH...

ARE YOU COMING? Yeah, yeah...
ARE YOU READY?  Yeah, yeah...
HAVE YOU GOT IT?  Yeah, yeah...
ARE YOU SURE?  Yeah, yeah...
Positive sincerity stuck at the start.
ARE YOU TOGETHER?  Yeah, yeah...
DO YOU THINK YOU'LL MAKE IT?  Yeah, yeah...
ARE YOU GOING TO GET MARRIED?  Yeah, yeah...
SETTLE DOWN  WITH KIDS, OWN A HOUSE?  Yeah, yeah...
Positive sincerity plucked from the heart.
IS THAT ALL THAT HAPPENED?  Yeah, yeah...
ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NO MORE?  Yeah, yeah...
AND YOU LEFT WHEN YOU SAID?  Yeah, yeah...
Positive sincerity sucked from your heart.
DO YOU THINK OF ME/  Yeah, yeah...
WILL YOU PHONE ME LATER?  Yeah, yeah...
DO YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU?  Yeah, yeah...
DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?  Yeah, yeah...
Positive sincerity fucked from the start.
YOU'RE AN IDIOT!  Yeah, yeah...
YOU ARE SO STUPID!  Yeah, yeah...
YOU'RE ALWAYS THE SAME!  Yeah, yeah...
 YOU HEAR WHAT YOU WANT!  Yeah, yeah...
ARE YOU LISTENING?  Yeah, yeah...
CAN I SLEEP WITH YOUR WIFE?  Yeah, yeah...
CAN I TAKE ALL YOUR MONEY?  Yeah, yeah...
ARE YOU A GIRAFFE?  Yeah, yeah...
ARE YOU HAVING A LAUGH?

Mo penic

On your way, you try to be calm
you know you won't, 'come to any harm'
but still, the nerves start to take control,
jabbing and poking and causing a hole
in your CONFIDENCE.

You'll forget the words, fluff your chords,
you shouldn't have warn jeans, you should've
warn cords, the list'll be full, the place'll be packed,
against you the odds'll be stacked,
it doesn't make SENSE.

Closer now and the panic sets in, your poetry stinks or you can't
really sing.
The music you play has been done better before.
Why did you bother to walk out of the door?
The fear is INTENSE.

Your name's on the list there's no backing out, your face is stuck
in a permanent pout.
You want your name to be called then you don't.
You should have a soft drink but you know that you won't.
Your tongue is IMMENSE.

Surprisingly, the host calls your name. It's time to enter the game.
What you did at home just do it the same.
This is it, a little piece of fame. Just do it once then never again.
If only you could...control your brain.
Your pounding heart can't take the strain.
By hecklers, you're gonna be slain.
No more time for PRETENCE.

You start, falter, then hit your stride, suddenly
you're enjoying the ride,
through the first bit without mucking up
no longer feeling like chucking up
Applause starts to COMMENCE.

A smile appears beneath your nose
.There's a little bounce in your toes.
A warm feeling comes, one that you like.
You've done a new open mic and all that worry,
it didn't  MAKE SENSE.